There Are More

I've laid low on the orphan front these last few months since bringing home the new kid. I stopped reading blogs about orphans or adoption, stopped following the adoptions of other families, stopped contributing to those causes. Just dropped out.

I admit adoption was tougher than I anticipated. He's not difficult to love or get along with, but just adding another person, along with all of his appointments and dirty diapers, into the chaos of our lives was challenging. 

Having accomplished what we set off to do made me feel a bit finished with all the advocacy. And, honestly, who had time for all of that thinking? I was just trying to keep my head above water. Pride played a part, too, I'm sure. It usually does. It seemed presumptuous of me to suggest that others should do as I was, given that I wasn't doing it all that well. 

But the other night, as I was rolling over in bed thinking about how grateful I am to have him, God spoke. It was almost audible so clearly I heard it in my heart. My breath was taken from me as this thought leapt into the center of my brain.

There are more.

I sat up. What? As realization dawned...

Oh God, there are more!

As I watch this child blossom in the love of family, as I see even his skin transform from good nutrition, as I look at the devotion he has for his daddy, I remember. 

There are more. Thousands of them. No, millions of them. Orphaned, abandoned, rejected.

Alone.

My boy is not special. He is funny and quirky and delightful...and special to me, but EVERY child has the potential to be funny and quirky and delightful and special to the people who love them!

Every orphan has that potential...all of them.

I get lulled into complacency on this cruise ship called America. I begin to think that my next vacation or how much sleep I'm getting or where to find the best local coffee is real life. 

But it's not. 

If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life.  And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process? Is anything worth more than your soul? Matthew 16:25-26 

If I live for myself, I'll lose my soul.  Real life is gained when we give ourselves away. How could I forget those we left behind?

There are children without homes. Children who have never experienced love and have probably lived their whole lives without experiencing a kind word or gentle touch. Children whose care is a paycheck to someone, if they get any care at all. Many of them will die from neglect, starvation, or lack of medical care. 

And these children could blossom if they could just find someone who will give a damn about them. 

Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to death; don't stand back and let them die. Don't try to avoid responsibility by saying you didn't know about it. For God knows all hearts, and he sees you. He keeps watch over your soul, and he knows you knew! And he will judge all people according to what they have done. Proverbs 24:11-12

 There are more. So, so many more. 

Giveaway WINNER

The winner of the Trades of Hope giveaway is....

SABRINA!!!

Thanks to all of you who entered! Please remember Rainy's site when you have gifts to give. 

Sabrina, please email me your address so we can get your scarf to you. 

Congratulations!

Home Nearly Five Months

Bo has been home almost five months. The change in him is amazing. He is no longer content to play by himself or stim in a corner. He wants to be part of the action! 

Loving the big kid swing!

We went to a family reunion a few weeks ago and stayed in the family cabins in a state park. He hated every minute of it and cried most of the time, wanting so much to go home. We knew, even then, that it was good for him to experience being away and then returning home, to better understand that home is forever, but it was hard while we were there.

The one thing he did enjoy was time at the pool. He loved it! We doubt he'd ever been swimming before, but he is a water lover without fear. Since our return, we joined the local YMCA and swimming has become a favorite activity for the family. He still loves it. In the kiddie pool, he sticks his head in the water and walks forward until he needs to breathe. I suspect he likes the quiet under the water, since it is never quiet here. 

Mudding in the creek is a favorite, too!

He currently attends three therapies a week, but speech will soon increase to twice weekly. (Add in speech therapy for Ben and Eon, and we are starting to feel like we live there.) He has an appointment with a highly recommended ENT the end of the month for a second opinion about his subglottic stenosis since I loathed the first doc, but specialist appointments and procedures have slowed down. 

Teaching him socialization has been a priority. When he's tired or unhappy, he will clobber whoever happens to be closest. When he is finished with his dinner, his plate flies across the room unless we're quick enough to catch it. If he doesn't care for the food provided, he takes it out with his hand and flings it. He is learning that we won't allow him to gnaw on inanimate objects in public...or people either, for that matter. Keeping his hands out of his diaper is a constant battle. 

But there is much he has already learned. Walking is his primary mode of mobility now, instead of the sideways ape scoot he used to do. He watches the other kids run out to play on the trampoline and comes and takes my hand to let him out, too.  He can put his shoes on mostly independently (a skill I wish he'd teach Eon.) He can take them off, too (a skill I wish he didn't have.) He's learned to come into the kitchen and tug on my pocket to get a preview of what I'm cooking for dinner. He looks up from playing cars and, with a little smirk, comes and tickles my feet.

First fireworks display...Crazy Americans!

So many firsts! And so much that we missed those first years. So many firsts that we will never share. Or things that we assume are firsts that he may have already experienced a hundred times or more. 

So many questions.  What experience did he have with shoes that look like these that makes him pull his feet back and cry every time we try to put them on his adorable feet, even though he has not yet worn these?

Why is he so terrified of the stuffed alligator we found in the back of the boys' closet?

Where does he get his complete fascination with shoes (except those pictured)?

We may never know. But, at some point, we will have more shared history than not. One day, his life will be more son than orphan. Until then, we are enjoying the process. 

Lucky

"You are such a lucky boy! Lucky, lucky, lucky!" she gushed over Bogdan upon meeting him for the first time.

I mumbled the response expected of me, "We're the lucky ones." But it felt awkward and stilted.

We are blessed to have him, beyond blessed actually, on so many different levels. It's not even that I hate the word, "lucky," although I do. Something didn't sit right with her pronouncement. She's not the first. I've heard said before that our son is lucky to have been adopted by us, and it always makes me uneasy.

I pondered her words and my response to them for quite awhile before the reason behind my discomfort took shape. 

He's not lucky. In fact he was, what many would consider, decidedly unlucky. Given an extra chromosome, abandoned at birth by those who should have protected and loved him, open heart surgery with complications, the list goes on. 

He is finally being given what is rightfully his, what most children in this country receive without fanfare...love, security, family, quality nutrition, medical attention...acceptance. That doesn't make him lucky. 

It makes him redeemed. 

His story, once about rejection, loss, abandonment, is now about redemption. The ending has been rewritten.

(My story, once about separation, darkness, death, is now about redemption, too. My ending has been rewritten.)

Healing and restoration have begun in earnest, but that early trauma and loss have left their mark. We have no way of knowing how much of his health and function will be restored. He has come so far in four short months, but there is much to do and learn. 

The tragedy is that he shouldn't have to start over at three-and-a-half. He shouldn't have to learn to understand a new language, to appreciate a new cuisine, to learn to love as family those who were once strangers. 

That is not lucky.

But he is learning those things and so much more. He was not left to just exist. His future is ripe with potential instead of assurance of eventual institutionalization. He is an orphan no more.

He is known and loved.

That is redemption, and God, not lady luck, is the author of that. 

Shameless Self-Promotion

I tweaked my last post to include background information and submitted it to the CausePub site and it was accepted! I just need votes so it can be published in a book. 

Here's the link. I'd be honored if you'd take a minute and vote for it!

Thanks!

The Moment

We had a moment, my son and I. 

We are still dancing around one another trying to find our place in the other's heart. (I wrote briefly about our struggles here.) There are days when I feel he still ignores me, like I am at the bottom on the list of desired playmates, helpers, family. There are days when I wonder where he comes from and I cannot place him in my frame of reference, so foreign he continues to seem.

But more and more he is present, actively aware of what is happening in the broader scope of his surroundings, versus the three foot window to which he allowed himself to attend those first weeks home. I used to be soundly ignored by him when I'd walk in the door from work and attempt to interact. Then, ever so subtly, I sensed a change and soon my son would smile when he saw the excitement of his siblings upon my return. 

I was pleased, but didn't get too excited knowing as I did that he was simply feeding off the glee around him.

But yesterday it happened. 

I pulled in the driveway and saw Bogdan in the window watching the car. I waved through the windshield and received no response, no flicker of recognition, no knowing smirk, just blankness. Disappointed, but not surprised, I opened my door and stepped out. I looked up at him and saw his face transform. 

Ever so slowly, the corners of his mouth pulled until he had the hugest grin, the kind that makes his eyes disappear, and he pressed his head to the glass and banged on the window as he continued to smile at me with joy, as if to say, "Momma's home! Look, everyone! Momma's home!"

Tears sprang to my eyes and my breath caught in my throat as I waved. It is an incredible feeling to be known by one you've worked so hard to love.

He knows me! And, judging by his reaction, I think he even likes me. 

I went upstairs after greeting the rest of the crew and found him strumming (pounding, poking, picking) his sister's guitar that he found laying on the floor of her room. I sat down next to him. I got a sideways look and another smile. I reached out my hands and he dove for me, wrapping his arms tightly around my neck as he crawled into my lap. We stayed like that for a long while, me slowly rocking and him resting his head against my chest. 

Finally, we stood and, hand in hand, walked out of the girls' room. He stopped in the play room when he spotted a car and I continued on to change my clothes. 

But something shifted in those moments. Something deep and powerful clicked inside our hearts with that blazing smile of recognition. This odd couple, this Serbian boy and Midwestern mom may just be okay, after all.

Trades of Hope GIVEAWAY!

There has been a lot of talk in the adoption community recently about corruption, about the fact that international adoption is not the answer when it comes to orphans, and about how we can prevent orphans to begin with. It has been good! To learn more, please read Jen Hatmaker's series: Examining Adoption Ethics.

Unlike Bo, many children become orphans because of poverty, and that is just not okay. Families who love their kids, sacrificially give them up because they cannot feed them. Horrifying to think about!

I am happy to promote a business/ministry today that supports women, many of them mothers, and by doing so, I believe, prevents children from becoming orphans, in the first place. Here's what the founders of Trades of Hope have to say about it:

So many women live in poverty, not because they lack abilities, but because they lack opportunity. We started Trades of Hope to give women that opportunity for a better life. Each woman has a story, and with Trades of Hope's help, their story has changed from pain and struggle to a story of HOPE!

We work with the artisans themselves and organizations that are helping women in difficult circumstances. Some women have been rescued from sex slavery. Others are raising handicapped children alone. Some are in war torn countries and others have AIDS. These women have never had the chances we've had, yet they are just like us in so many ways. They love their families and hope and dream of a better life for them.

We are helping by marketing their products through the home party model, so they can put food on their table, a roof over their head, get medical care and an education for their children. We want to tell their stories to the world!

How exciting! Trades of Hope is giving hope to women and children and communities and we consumers are getting beautiful, hand crafted items to wear and use. They have gorgeous items with a fabulous variety.  What a win-win!

My friend, Rainy Benedict, is a Compassion Entrepreneur for Trades of Hope. She has a heart for these women, for orphans, and for justice so when she asked me to host a giveaway and write about TOH, I jumped at the opportunity. 

Please visit her site and read the testimonials, the stories, and browse the catalog to see the amazing wares they have to offer and to learn more about the women that are crafting them. Be sure and learn about becoming a Compassion Entrepreneur, yourself. What a great opportunity to help women and earn some money at the same time.

Rainy has offered this beautiful, Nepali Aqua scarf for me to give away to one of you readers:

Here's what you need to do to win:

• For one chance, simply visit Rainy's TOH page and then comment that you did on this post.
• For more chances, share Rainy's page on Facebook, Twitter, and/or your blog. Then comment here that you did. You will receive one entry for each share, so if you share on all three and visit her site and tell me about it, you will receive a total of four entries. 

My kids will help put all the entries into a hat and pull out the winner which I will announce on July 4th. Easy peasy!