So now I wonder...

When we found out we were pregnant this time around, there was no question that we would skip the prenatal screenings. We knew that anything screened for would be visible on our level 2 ultrasound, except Down syndrome. There were no markers for Down syndrome on the ultrasound and everything measured exactly as it should. Plenty of babies with Down syndrome are born without any markers on the level 2 ultrasound, so that does not mean that she is not sporting an extra chromosome, but odds are good that she has the usual number.

I had to wrap my brain around the possibility of a typical baby this time around. I admit that Eon, with his phenomenal sleeping schedule and laid back personality, completely spoiled us. I remember well the infancies of my typical kids with their unexplained crying jags and demanding personalities. Seems like a lot of work to me.

As a family, we enjoy Eon so much and delight in everything that he is. I worry now that we will not have the same bond with his little sister, that we will miss all she has to offer because of our complete devotion to her brother. My head knows that it is unfounded, but my heart is not so easily convinced.

So I wonder, will she have Down syndrome, too? Will she be healthy? Will we instantly bond? Will we accept her and delight in who she is? Time will tell, but these are the things I pray about.

Odds and Ends

We had our first Down syndrome play date, yesterday! I was so excited to get to spend time with Laura and her adorable little girl, Lilly! They are former neighbors of our pastor's family and his wife, Julie, graciously invited us all over so we could connect. Lilly turned 2yo yesterday, and is just so cute! She's been walking since she was 14 mos. and is so fast. She's also the busiest little thing I've ever seen! I think she opened every available drawer and cabinet. I jokingly told Eon that I'm sorry I ever pushed for him to start walking! LOL!

Speaking of walking, our little man turned 18 mos. on Thursday and celebrated the day by taking his first steps! After standing independently in the middle of the room for months, we were all excited when he took it a "step further", so to speak. Unfortunately, I started clapping and cheering just as he fell, so he decided that falling was the thing we were celebrating. For the rest of the evening, he proceeded to stand up, fall, and clap for himself! LOL! Timing is everything.

I've had several people ask how the pregnancy is going. I'm 25 weeks and feeling okay. We skipped all screenings except the level 2 u/s this time around. My reasoning was that of all the things they screen for (with the exception of CF), T21 is the only thing that doesn't have definitive markers readily seen on a level 2 ultrasound. We are not worried about this little one having Down syndrome, so it really made no sense to me to go through the screenings when anything else would be found on the u/s. That being said, I went into that u/s with much fear. I was terrified that they would find something fatal! They did not. :) Everything looked great and within normal limits. I was very relieved. I was quite excited to discover that our tie breaker is a little girl, too! After three boys, I am very ready for pink again. :)

Some pregnancies are easier than others and this is not one of the easy ones. I've experienced near fainting due to blood pressure dips, almost constant itching that has prompted some bloodwork for possible liver issues, and a strained back that left me bedridden for a few days. I'm thankful to know that this is just a temporary inconvenience for an eternal blessing, though! We are anxious to meet this little cutie and see what she brings to the table. :)

SURPRISE!

Shortly after Eon was born, I discovered Reece's Rainbow and it became my passion to see those precious children with Down syndrome rescued from almost certain death. It was my hope that, one day, we would join the amazing families that are bringing them home, and adopt one of our own. We were moving to that end. I felt as if both the passion and the desire were from God. I was excited that we would finally do something "big" for Him.

So, imagine my surprise when I discovered I was pregnant. "This cannot be happening," I thought. We had the perfect, albeit large, package - three bio girls and three bio boys. The tie-breaker was supposed to be a chosen, adopted child. Honestly, six seems nice and compact to me. Seven just seems Duggar-kind of crazy! I sobbed the entire day after seeing the pink line. This was not the plan!

I wallowed in misery and disbelief for days. I'm not a big fan of pregnancy. For the previous seven months, I had not been pregnant or nursing for the first time in almost seven years. I discovered that I like myself without all those swirling hormones. So certain was I that we were finished with infancy, I discarded all things infant-related.

I remember telling a friend, "It is so hard for me when I'm all set to zig and God says, 'Zag'."

A few weeks ago at church our pastor was talking about following Jesus. He said that we need to learn to follow Jesus before we can truly serve Him....that sometimes we jump in and start serving God, and that it's possible to do that without actually following Jesus.

And then it hit me: I was irritated with God for interrupting my plans to serve Him.

I realized that I had a decision to make. I could either continue in my misery and believe the lie that this pregnancy was a mistake. OR I could choose to follow Jesus. I could believe the truth that this child was chosen by God, that his/her days were planned at the creation of the world, and that he/she is a blessing.

I chose the latter, and He's slowly changing my heart.

Someday, maybe we will adopt. But for now, we are rejoicing in new life, swallowing our pride, and looking Duggar-kind of crazy. :)

EDD: 11/13/10