My heart hurts for orphans. From the time I knew about adoption, I knew I wanted to adopt a child. Early in our marriage, Shawn and I discussed adopting a child with Down syndrome some day. When we had Eon, I thought God had just been preparing us for him. Now, we believe Eon is, in fact, preparing us for someone else.
Upon the birth of our first born, I remember thinking, "They could've handed me any baby and I know I would love her just as much." And, later thinking, "That was a bizarre thought to have." :) But I knew then that I was capable of loving one born to another.
So, it's really no surprise that the children of Reece's Rainbow have captured my heart and turned me into an advocate with my first click to the website. I have spent much time praying, crying, and longing over the children listed there. I follow the blogs of parents working to bring their children home. I rejoice when I read the "Gotcha" posts and feel like I'm walking on air after viewing the pictures of the first meeting. I talk about the fate of those not chosen with anyone who will listen...and sometimes even if they won't.
I wrote this post several months ago about our position on adoption.
But, God, in His mercy, intervened and radically changed our circumstances. Suddenly, we qualify. We could actually do what just months ago seemed so much like a pipe dream. We could actually have a "Gotcha Day" of our own.
How in the world do you choose a child? I scroll through the pictures and my heart is captivated by each and every one. God chose the children currently in our home. For the most part, we even left the timing and the number up to Him. So, being in the driver's seat is something new.
Yet, we're not really in the driver's seat, are we? Honestly, if we were, I'd be researching our next vacation spot instead of researching the best agencies. But God has so strongly placed this on our hearts, there really isn't any question as to if we'll take the leap.
The rational (maybe secular?) side of me, insists that we wait until the time is right, the money is there, the house is bigger, the baby's older, the littles are potty trained, the olders are enthusiastically supportive, etc.
My heart, however, tells me there is a child who goes to bed at night without a story, a kiss, or a prayer...a child who wakes at night without crying because he knows there is no one to comfort him...a child who has never felt like he mattered (because, in his country, he doesn't)...a child who's fate is sealed when he reaches the age of five and who will surely die unless I can get my head in the game.
When I listen to my heart, my excuses fly out the window. I know a sense of urgency to bring that child home, before any more harm is done.
But who is he?