Tuesday, November 23, 2010

At Peace

Perhaps, with postpartum hormones a swirling, I'm a little more emotional than usual. Maybe, because our recent delivery of Keturah was a little scary with a partial placental abrubtion, I'm more sensitive to the preciousness of life. Or maybe it's just that I am so tired of the trite platitudes that women use to justify their decision to kill their babies with Down syndrome. I'm tired of not being able to respond to the ill-informed reasons they give. I'm tired of reacting with compassion and "tolerance". I'm tired of reading that I'm the selfish one for giving my baby life. I'm tired of hearing that my child is "suffering" when clearly he is not.

Yesterday, I read a comment by a mom who terminated her pregnancy for T21. She wrote that her little boy is "at peace". Well, guess what?!? My little boy with T21 is at peace, too! He's at peace when he's sleeping safe and secure in his crib. He's at peace when he's playing trucks and cars with his brothers or wrestling with his dad.
He's at peace when he "holds me" at the end of a long day. He's at peace when he's coloring pictures at the dining room table or eating his favorite dessert. He's at peace as he embraces life at full-throttle. He's lived a full 21 months now, with many years to come...all of them "at peace".

We are blessed that he is not a memory, but a living, breathing, joyful little boy...at peace!

Just writing the above changes my heart to one of compassion for the women I started out so angry at. That's all they have...a memory of some kicks in the womb, a trip to a clinic or a hospital induction, all cloaked in a shroud of fear and grief. Of course they hold steadfast to the platitudes, it's all they have. To face the truth at this point, to have their carefully crafted lies fray even a little, would cause them unbearable pain.

My anger is misplaced. I wish I could see people through the eyes of my Jesus who grieves as I do for the injustices done to those little ones that He created, and yet, who loves and sees with compassion the women who caused the injustices to occur. It's difficult this despising of sin and setting aside pride to embrace the one who sins. I'm not very good at it when anger and bitterness seem so much more satisfying. Pointing the finger is easy; reaching out a hand is decidedly not. Maybe someday, I'll have the opportunity to do the latter. I hope that I'll be willing to do so.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Little Sister

She's here! Eon became a big brother on November 12 with the arrival of little sister, Keturah Joy! We are all smitten and exhausted. :) She is a treasure and Eon is very sweet with her...so far.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Big brother soon...

Eon will be a big brother in the next few days, not that he has any idea what's about to hit him. :) For a long time, he's been rubbing my belly and signing "baby", but I wasn't sure he really made a connection. Lately, though, he's been seeing a baby and calling my attention to it, then signing "baby" and rubbing my belly, so maybe he understands more than I think he does.

Over the weekend, I started having severe abdominal pain. While I was having contractions, it did not feel like labor and the pain was too high. I began to suspect a kidney stone (as I have some experience with that). After I was triaged at the hospital, a 2cm stone was found on the renal ultrasound. They decided to induce labor to get the baby out so they could deal with the stone. I was an emotional mess. I was completely unready to have her and was devastated by an induction. Once I wrapped my brain around it, they started Cervadil to soften the cervix and I started contracting regularly a few hours later. Unfortunately, the Cervadil came out when the nurse checked my progress and everything tapered off, so the doctor ordered pitocin.

Early Sunday morning, I got an epidural and my already low blood pressure plummeted. I was very sick and near passing out and it took some intervention to regulate it, again. Early afternoon, with pitocin cranked up and contractions coming 3 minutes apart and hard, my doctor came in and checked me...only to find I had not progressed at all. Baby girl was still flying high, I was undilated, and very posterior. He decided to call it quits...and send me home...after thirteen hours of labor! I did not even know that was a choice.

Monday, I felt like I'd been run over by a truck and was terrified to go through all of that again. Yesterday, I went to my OB appointment to find that I was dilated, much more anterior, and slightly effaced. Yay! Even though the kidney stone has receded back into the kidney, the plan is to induce again Friday morning. Now, I feel ready. :)

I hope Eon is, too.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Gotta be the Down syndrome

This week has been filled with appointments. I will be 39 weeks pregnant, tomorrow, and while everyone else nests by cleaning, I, apparently, nest by taking kids to various appointments. Whew.

I have decided I am wearying of the medical "experts" that have me running to appointments just because Eon has Down syndrome. I have a very good idea of the potential things that can go wrong in little bodies with extra chromosomes. I am starting to resent the fact that I have just been jumping through hoops because "they" tell me to. For example, this week, we went to the audiologist. Why? Because he has Ds and is supposed to get his hearing checked every 6 months, according to the developmental pediatrician at the Ds clinic. I understand why this is the recommendation for the general Ds population. BUT, Eon has only had two ear infections his whole life (many less than his typical sibs at this age), he has great ear passages, he has never failed a hearing test or screen, and he shows no symptoms that would indicate a hearing problem. So, why did I take him? Because "they" told me to! I am feeling like such a sheep! And, I'm tired of the "experts" only seeing Down syndrome when they make these recommendations and not looking at Eon as an individual.

Yesterday, we had speech therapy. I love her. She has seen all my boys and she's great. But, I'm huge, pregnant, hormonal, and exhausted and she was not picking up on that at all. Eon was throwing toys. She asked me if he always did that. No, he doesn't. Just when he's in a tiff about something. I explained that he's been crabby for a week and a half and is getting some new teeth.

She responds with, "Well, not to scare you, but that stubborn streak is pretty common with kids who have Downs." Really?!? Straight to blaming it on Ds? Could we not problem solve that he's a toddler and being a grump? Could we not chalk it up to teething, or not sleeping well, or a cold? Nope. Gotta be Down syndrome! Sigh.

She also took it upon herself to ask if we intend to send him to preschool. I tried to deflect the question with a simple "I don't know, yet", but she wouldn't let it go and started trying to convince me how helpful it would be for him. Again, really?!? Now?!? I have 15-months until that's even an option. I'm having a baby in a week or two. Can't we just focus on the now for now? Yeesh.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Buddy Walk

We had a great time on the Indianapolis Buddy Walk and were so blessed by our team of around 45 people! Wow. Here are some pics. I managed to waddle about 1/2 mile of the 2.6 mile walk, but it was fun to watch all the teams go by. It seemed to be a bigger turn-out than last year (which was estimated at 1500 people). As I was sitting and watching, though, I was struck by the number of people that were missing...because of all the women who choose to terminate the pregnancy after discovering their baby has Down syndrome. If only they had given their child a chance, they could've been walking with us, enjoying the day and bursting with pride over their child and the Ds community as a whole. Made me sad. Aside from my melancholy, it turned out to be a good day. Here are some pics of the overcast day.

So tired...and a little chilly.

We had a lot of kids walking with us (and this is not even all of them).

Dad (Shawn), Me, and Eon after the festivities were over and we were worn out.

The boy of the hour with oldest sister Michaela and blond brother Zak behind him.
Not real sure about Grandpa (who just got back into town after 5 months.
See the sea of orange "Simeon's Sidekicks" t-shirts? The walk is along the canal in downtown Indy.
Being held by Aunt Tonya...still not looking thrilled.
Assembling the team. The cute bald man in the middle is Shawn. :) Looking forward to next year!