Tuesday, November 23, 2010

At Peace

Perhaps, with postpartum hormones a swirling, I'm a little more emotional than usual. Maybe, because our recent delivery of Keturah was a little scary with a partial placental abrubtion, I'm more sensitive to the preciousness of life. Or maybe it's just that I am so tired of the trite platitudes that women use to justify their decision to kill their babies with Down syndrome. I'm tired of not being able to respond to the ill-informed reasons they give. I'm tired of reacting with compassion and "tolerance". I'm tired of reading that I'm the selfish one for giving my baby life. I'm tired of hearing that my child is "suffering" when clearly he is not.

Yesterday, I read a comment by a mom who terminated her pregnancy for T21. She wrote that her little boy is "at peace". Well, guess what?!? My little boy with T21 is at peace, too! He's at peace when he's sleeping safe and secure in his crib. He's at peace when he's playing trucks and cars with his brothers or wrestling with his dad.
He's at peace when he "holds me" at the end of a long day. He's at peace when he's coloring pictures at the dining room table or eating his favorite dessert. He's at peace as he embraces life at full-throttle. He's lived a full 21 months now, with many years to come...all of them "at peace".

We are blessed that he is not a memory, but a living, breathing, joyful little boy...at peace!

Just writing the above changes my heart to one of compassion for the women I started out so angry at. That's all they have...a memory of some kicks in the womb, a trip to a clinic or a hospital induction, all cloaked in a shroud of fear and grief. Of course they hold steadfast to the platitudes, it's all they have. To face the truth at this point, to have their carefully crafted lies fray even a little, would cause them unbearable pain.

My anger is misplaced. I wish I could see people through the eyes of my Jesus who grieves as I do for the injustices done to those little ones that He created, and yet, who loves and sees with compassion the women who caused the injustices to occur. It's difficult this despising of sin and setting aside pride to embrace the one who sins. I'm not very good at it when anger and bitterness seem so much more satisfying. Pointing the finger is easy; reaching out a hand is decidedly not. Maybe someday, I'll have the opportunity to do the latter. I hope that I'll be willing to do so.


  1. sometimes I think it is an out...an out of the unknown...people do not get that our kiddos will rock there world...for the good...but mostly it is ignorence and then to say that the child is at peace is sicking...you are so right..my child is asleep peacfully and when she wakes up she will love, learn, and grow and that is just a few of things she will do today...hope you are feeling better..happy holidays! smiles

  2. I have so many emotions about this, Tara, none of them tolerant. And mine are not religious-based, just human-based. Yes, saying that a fetus terminated for T21 is now "at peace" is delusional and utterly self-serving. I'm tired and angry at how far we've gone as a society in our quest for perfection - so far that we are now generally unwilling to accept babies who are less than perfect. I despise all the technology available today that enables people to make such selfish choices, and the ignorance that pervades that allows people to justify those choices. In my mind, everyone who terminates for Down syndrome is making a statement that MY son shouldn't be alive. It just feeds the attitude of intolerance.

  3. Oh ugh, I have troubles with this too, why not give them life and them give them to a family who wants them? That is all I want to know, why is terminating their child's life preferable to giving them live and then a new mommy and daddy? Adoption is a viable option, and one that would be preferable to ending the life of their child.

  4. I agree with all of you. It is an "easy way out" (although, I don't think this is true once the deed is done.) It's also very personal for those of us with children with Ds because one can't make the case for abortion of a Ds pregnancy without making the same statement about our own kids. Those who abort won't consider adoption because, in their minds, they are making a noble choice. They come to believe that they made their decision FOR their child...as delusional as that thinking is. Sigh.

  5. Tara....I did email you..write back when you have time. I actually was going to pick YOUR brain before I saw your comment on Lily's blog! We must be on the same page:)

  6. I struggle with this too.

    I have a friend that I grew up with and I have to agree to disagree with her. She has told me that she could never give a child who had Ds up for adoption knowing that a part of her was out their "somewhere" and that it would be easier to abort. Her rationale? Well she has two other children (yeah Tara and Patti this woman should meet you two) to think of and she couldn't spend the time with the baby with Down like I do (okay granted I have one child, but still). She wouldn't have the time to do all the therapies, etc. So in her mind, it is just easier to abort. She is pregnant right now, had the CVS and all is fine. I was praying that she wouldn't have a child with Ds, because I knew it would be aborted. Hopefully her child won't have any other issues because what would she do then?

    Mind you, she is very supportive over my O and is her cheerleader (really she is!), but it is not a choice that she would choose for her family. Go figure.

  7. I'm just finding your blog, so I know I'm a little late to comment here, but I just wanted to tell you that I love this post. It sounds like you're doing a great job of letting God guide your heart. My little guy with DS is only 8 months old, and I'm looking forward to reading more about your life with Eon--and the rest of your family! :-)

  8. THank yo so much for commenting on my post the other day. I have been reading yours today and it is really inspirational because Eon not only has a little sister but a whole load more on hand too. I hope everything is spinning along merrily in the run up to Christmas.
    I don't know what it is liek inteh US but over here in the UK I feel there is tremendous pressure from the medical fraternity to terminate DS pregnancies and indeed other ones where the baby is not perfect. I know this is probably because they see day in day out the WORST cases of DS and the complications that some DS children have but I wish there was an advocate who stood on the side of the unborn babies and who could say look here's a family with a child with DS and see there is nothing to be scared of, yes it can be challenging but all children are...