Special Needs And The Church, Revisited

Yesterday, I wrote a post on what the church can do to help those families dealing with special needs. It was a good post. I made some valid points.

Today, I want to disagree with myself. 

I wrote:

We won't always be in crisis. Personally speaking, my family has a lot to offer. We have gifts and passions that we would love to share.

I wish I hadn't included that. The world is constantly telling us that our children are a burden. I attempted to offset that perceived burden for the local church by promising a return on its investment. I made it sound as if we are worthy of love because of what we can bring to the table.  

How pitiful that I felt required to do so. 

The truth is, some families may very well remain in crisis. Their gift to the church could simply be their neediness and ability to receive graciously. We may never be able to give back in the traditional sense. We may never have the time to volunteer for VBS because of the demands of caring for our children. We may never have the resources to add to the missions fund because of outstanding medical bills. We may not be able to be a regular attendee because of unexpected and frequent illnesses. 

We, like our children, are worthy of love and acceptance from the church, not because of what we can do for it, but simply because we are.

I'm reminded of the lyrics of an ancient Margaret Becker song, "It's never for nothing, when you love with no return."

Church, we need to love these people because that's just who we are. It's what we do. We love people. Not just the pretty ones, not just the happy ones, not just the easy ones. We love people. It's the second commandment and we need to do it better.

Special needs parents spend all our time trying to prove our kids worthy in every other setting...worthy of a quality education to the school system, worthy of therapies or procedures to insurance companies, worthy of story time to the local library...to have to do the same in the one place that claims all life has value, is really too much to take. 

One of the saddest realizations for me when it comes to the American Evangelical Church is this:

If I waddled toward an abortion clinic at twenty-two weeks pregnant, fetus prenatally diagnosed with Down syndrome, the church would be the loudest in convincing me that this baby is worthy of life, has value, and that I need to continue to term. They would preach that he was created in the image of God, that he's being fearfully and wonderfully made, and that God has a plan for his life, and rightfully so. 

But say five years later, my son was given an additional diagnosis of autism. He now has behaviors which include spitting, hitting, and biting. He throws things. He uses diapers and drinks thickened liquids from a bottle. I am exhausted, worried, and stressed all of the time. I decide I need to get back in church. I need spiritual help. I need support. I want my son to know about God. He needs other people pouring into his life. I can't do this alone, anymore.

Only this time, those same people would tell me, "Oh no, he can't come here. We're not equipped to deal with special needs." 

It's this type of hypocrisy that is causing people to leave the church in droves. 

It makes me incredibly sad. 

Ministering to families with special needs is not about programming. It's about walking out what we say we believe.