Sunday, October 2, 2011

The Monster in my Mind

I have long encouraged women waiting for amnio results to get educated. I know from experience that, unless you are already holding your sweet baby, Down syndrome can become a monster in your mind. 

What I didn't realize is that it can become that monster no matter how educated you are.

I've been working full-time for the first time in years. Lately, I've worried about Eon, his future, and his delays more than I ever have. 

In trying to figure out why, I realized that I haven't spent much time with him. When I walk in the door, he enthusiastically says, "Hiiiiii!" and then hugs me. He follows me upstairs where his baby sister is waiting to nurse. I sit on the bed to nurse her and he climbs up there, too. After hearing me chide him to be, "Gentle!" or, "Don't sit on her!" too many times, he wanders off to do his own thing. By the time I'm done nursing, I have another hundred things to do and Eon's busy with something else. 

Everyone else in the family comes to me when they want attention (repeatedly. :) Eon doesn't come back. 

I finally realized that I need to seek him out to spend time with him. The more time I spend with him, the less worried I am about Down syndrome.  Eon's just Eon...perfect the way he is. No monsters here.


  1. Amen sister! Sean is Sean as well when I just hang out with him without wondering.

  2. You definitely have your hands full. I feel the same way, the less time I get with Lucas the more worried I get. It's hard sometimes with life as busy as it is but I need to seek out my Lucas too.

  3. I dont know, I wrote about when I see little G with her peers. thats the hardest for me and when I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have gotten to the point this past year that I would rather do ANYTHING besides leave the house. I am fine with Down Syndrome..... until we walk out the door.(so good to read a post from you!!!) I know you asked for note cards, I never asked which ones or details,if you still would like some let me know. email:

  4. I have noticed this also! The more I sit and actually interact with Russell and spend real quality one on one time with him...The more I just see him and not the Ds...And I worry WAY less! Excellent post!

  5. Oh this is so true, my Emily seems so independent sometimes! Glad you posted this, I need to make a better effort to seek her out on days where we go, go, go until bedtime :-)

    Kelli @ livinglifewithes