What Choice Do We Have?

We were given very basic information (first initial, sex, and birth year) on four kiddos with Down syndrome from the Ministry. Although we are approved for a child aged birth - eight-years-old, they gave us info on kids aged two - four-years-old, as that's what we originally requested.

They are still waiting for some additional information from us before they will come forth with more details about these kids, but we do know a little bit.

Orphans, all of them. Rejected simply because they were dealt an extra chromosome. 

My excitement that we are moving forward was quickly replaced by this huge burden. I was overcome with .... I don't even know how to describe it ... grief? responsibility? .... for these kids.

How do you choose a child? 

I know which gender that we would prefer and which age range. But, should preferences even have a place in such a decision? In preferring one set of characteristics, we're excluding real, live children. Kids who have little hope that anyone will ever come for them. 

How do we decide that? How do we decide that this child deserves a family while the others may face lifelong institutionalization...cold bars, abject neglect, forever sameness?

It is gut wrenching.

And then a friend saw my heart and prayed for me. And, in her prayer, I saw the truth.

This child, my child, has already been chosen for our family. This is God's plan, after all. He will be faithful to show us who He has for us, when the time comes. I have no choice, but to rest in that knowledge.

He has a plan for the others, as well. He sees them. I know He does. I pray that someone will come for them, too. In the meantime, I pray that they will be safe, and that they will feel Jesus close to them. The Bible says that He will be a Father to the fatherless. I pray that He surrounds them with people who see them and will tell them that they matter, that they are loved, that there is hope.

I am excited to meet our child and to bring him/her home to our forever family. 

BUT, it seems like such a tiny drop in such an ocean of a bucket.
 

Eon is growing...ME!

Today is the first day of Down Syndrome Awareness Month. I have been mulling over all I have learned by having Eon in our lives and am convinced that, without him, we would not be pursuing adoption, not just because we would have no idea or vested interest in what happens to kids with Down syndrome in other countries, but also because his life has so changed our perspective and even our world view.

Having Eon has taught me that we have so very little control over what happens in our lives...not nearly as much as we think we do. That is alternately terrifying...and freeing! When Eon was having heart surgery, I wrote that there is a fear born of faith. I have faith enough to know that God is in control, yet fear that His ways are not my ways. But, disability and surgery forced me to explore what I really believe about God and His goodness. In November of 2009, 10 months after Eon's birth, I wrote:

Even if my world changes tomorrow and the unthinkable should happen, it's going to be ok. Nothing surprises God. His grace is sufficient for me. He has promised to meet all my needs and He is here, with me. That's what Immanuel means, you know...God with us.

Having Eon has taught me that conventional wisdom is a crock.  Conventional wisdom tells us that having a child with a disability is a bad thing. Our experience, and that of thousands of others, has proven that to be false. In fact, the opposite is true. When a perceived negative turns out to be a positive, it opens up a whole world of opportunity! The fear has been removed and our hearts are freed to pursue adoption.

Having Eon has taught me that the real disability lies in the minds of individuals. People are afraid of what they've not experienced and that fear prompts them to place limits where none should be. 

And Eon, himself, teaches me things every day:

• People should be greeted enthusiastically whenever they arrive, no matter how long they've been gone.
• We really should weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice, just like the Bible says.
• All cookies should be Oreos or they are not worth eating.
• Coffee with a loved one is so much tastier than coffee alone.
• If you can't figure something out, keep trying. If you still can't get it, seek help.
• Books are awesome, no matter how many times they're read.
• Communication can happen in so many different ways that don't actually involve words.
• Pitching in to help can be fun.

I feel like he's grown me so much in three short years. I am so blessed to be his momma and so proud of my little man! I can't wait to meet his chromosomally enhanced brother and see what he brings to the table, as well.

Miracle on facebook street

When we decided to adopt, we had no idea how we would pay for it. We certainly have enough to raise another child, just didn't have thousands of dollars at our fingertips. We paid for most of the initial costs (home study, passports, USCIS fees, etc) ourselves, but that left the remaining bulk of it (airfare, lodging, food, time off work, translation, etc.). At the beginning of this week, we still needed $5400. I was out of fundraising ideas and didn't have time for those suggested to me. We expect to be traveling in a few weeks.

A few weeks ago, we found out we were rejected by the one grant for which we qualified. I was devastated. They gave the reason that they're a small organization and can't help everyone, but I was convinced it was really because I didn't do a very good job in the phone interview. I posted this on facebook: 

Our Lifesong application for a matching grant was denied. I am reeling. :( I have been a sobbing mess. I feel like it's all my fault. I knew I didn't connect with the lady who called & interviewed me.

As soon as she read that, my friend, Nicki, got an idea. She conspired with another young friend, Emily, who is a journalism major at Ball State University. Unbeknownst to me (but known to my husband) they decided to make a video and launch a website to share our story and our need. I didn't learn that they were conspiring for us until the night before they shot the video. This is the result:

LAKES FAMILY ADOPTION

*Be sure and watch the video to see a glimpse of our crazy life. :)

They launched the fundraising campaign at 10 a.m. on Tuesday, and by 11 a.m. on Wednesday, they had raised $5500!!!  Fully funded in 25 HOURS!!! 

Incredible, awesome, unbelievable, amazing...all words we have repeated over and over. We've alternated between weeping and laughing and, quite frankly, we're exhausted! But it's a GREAT kind of tired. :)
  
Beyond the money and the obvious move of God on behalf of our new child, the stories and encouragement people have shared with us have humbled me and filled me with gratitude. As I sent thank you emails, people responded. Some shared their stories of why they were moved to give:

 Thanks Tara! I'm so excited for you guys. I'm the oldest of 4 siblings and my younger brother Jacob is a downs kid. My parents actually run a not-for-profit back home that provides therapy for special needs kids so I know what a blessing they can be! Best of luck to you all! --Josh Frigo

Many blessings to you! My husband and I have a heart for adoption and hope to adopt someday, yet our time has not come. I’m glad that we can help in a little way... --Greta Lundby

I have never considered adopting before. I want several kids, but have never wanted to adopt. Even after traveling to Haiti and Peru on mission trips and working in orphanages, I didn't want to adopt. I wanted to have MY kids, biologically. But after watching the video and learning your story, my heart was totally changed. I texted my fiance yesterday after watching it and asked him "would you be open to adoption once we decide to have a family?" Because he's wonderful, he said "of course!" I just wanted to say thank you for your witness to God's love, because through you and your "yes" to this adoption, my heart was totally changed. Maybe someday, I'll get the chance to give a precious child a whole new life through adoption. God is good. --Valerie Carnevale

 Others simply gave us words of encouragement:

I am honored and extremely humbled to be given the opportunity to be a part of this. All of us our being blessed by this. This adoption isn't just changing one child's life. It's changing an entire community of people. It's one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever been touched by. Can't wait to meet a kid I already love :) --Grace Mitchell

...I hope you feel the love and support of not just those of us donating and making noise, but most importantly of your Heavenly Father who loves, adopts, and supports you.  I'll be praying for you and your family.  --Eric McCoy

How humbled we are that others would choose to partner with us in rescuing a child. That they, too, would see beyond our circumstances, our desires, our plans and see the heart of God. What happened here was holy, of that I have no doubt. We would be foolish to think this was about us. This is clearly about He who instructs:

 "Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to death; don't stand back and let them die. Don't try to avoid responsibility by saying you didn't know about it. For God knows all hearts, and he sees you. He keeps watch over your soul, and he knows you knew! And he will judge all people according to what they have done." Prov. 24:11, 12 NLT

And who calls the care of orphans "true religion." (James 1:27)

And who tells us that when we care for the least of these, we are doing it to Him. (Matthew 25:40) 

We are thrilled to have the funding, don't get me wrong! It was a HUGE faith builder for us, but we are even more excited that others see the need that moved us to action. God is using our story to change hearts because it was never really ours, was it? It has been His story all along.
 
He is so good!

* We are continuing to receive donations because, well, adoption expenses are not set in stone and circumstances may conspire to increase them. :) We plan to take some toys along to share with an orphanage or two, also. With whatever funds we do not use, we will bless one of the many precious families we know who are still waiting to bring their special child home.

 

Deep Water

It was my privilege to attend the True Woman 2012 Conference from Revive Our Hearts Ministries this weekend, here in Indianapolis. The worship was amazing, thanks to the Gettys, a husband/wife duo from Ireland and the messages were challenging and encouraging.

Last night, Priscilla Shirer spoke and she is a lot of fun to hear. Her text was Luke 5, and she made many excellent points as she led to the portion that rocked my world. 

I tell my children that there are three parts to obedience: They need to do what I say, when I say it, and with a good attitude. Admittedly, I have yet to master that last one.  

If I know that God has spoken, I will obey. But often, I will do so begrudgingly, counting the cost loudly and kicking the whole way. Adopting a child with special needs has been no different. I know that God has told us to do this. No question. But, I have been ruminating on worst case scenarios in an effort to prepare myself. I have been lamenting the financial cost. I have been worrying about the logistics of travel and the care of the others left at home. I have been wondering what it will be like to parent a child I don't yet know.

Even yesterday, I watched Priscilla in her stylish outfit and thought, "How come God calls some people to study His Word and wear cute shoes," implying that someone else's calling is easier...classier...better than mine.

Luke 5 is the passage in which Simon Peter has been out all night fishing to no avail. He caught nothing and is busy cleaning his nets when Jesus arrives on the scene, commandeers his boat, and preaches to the crowd. After the crowd disperses, Jesus tells Simon to pick up his nets and get back in the boat to cast them again in the deep water. 


"Master," Simon answered, "we worked hard all night long and caught nothing. But if you say so, I will let down the nets."  Priscilla pointed out that God often calls us to that which contradicts our experience. His calling often goes against conventional wisdom because His ways are not our ways.

Priscilla stated, "It's better to go into the deep water with Jesus, than to stay in the shallow without Him, where you're able to stand on your own two feet."  The shallow water we can handle by ourselves, with our own giftings and talents. But it's in the deep water where God shows us His glory. It's in the deep water where He shows His strength. It's in the deep water where He shows us His power.

When Simon Peter did as Jesus said, he caught so many fish his boat could not contain them. The passage says he signaled to his partners to bring their boat, too. Priscilla pointed out that he signaled to them...he didn't shout, probably because he was speechless. "That kind of miracle only happens in the risky place of faith," she said.

While she was speaking, my heart was filled with hope! 

If my Jesus is in the deep water, then that's where I want to be. If my Jesus is in a Serbian orphanage caring for a child that has been discarded, then I want to be there, too. I want to throw caution to the wind, to plunge ahead, to embrace my calling, even though it flies in the face of common sense. I want to behold His glory, to observe His strength, and to experience His power. I want my faith to become sight.  I want to obey! 

*We still need several thousand dollars and hope to travel in about 3 short weeks. We would be so grateful if you could contribute any amount and/or share our chip-in.

What's Next?

I keep getting asked what the timeline is for our adoption. I'm learning that having an accurate timeline for adoption is like stopping a river with a spork....it's just not possible.

But, we shipped our dossier, today! Yay! Which means, it is all out of my hands. Finally! It should arrive in Serbia next Monday or Tuesday. It should take about a week to translate and then will be delivered to the Ministry.

Once it's reviewed by the Ministry, we should receive a list of referrals within a couple of days. 

That's the hardest part. We must choose a child from those available. I've mentioned before my reluctance to choose one child over another, but we're only approved for one. We do have a child in mind that we've heard about, but we'll see.

After we accept a referral, we need to be prepared to travel within the week. 

Did you read the number of "should"s? Not a real definite timeline, but in the absence of any snafus, travel is very, very close.

We still need funds. My friend, Melissa, herself an adoptive momma of a cutie from Serbia, is offering a gift to the first fifteen people who contribute at least $10 to our chip-in. Would you consider donating? Every little bit really does help!
 

Life With My Boy

Our little farmer

Eon is 3 1/2 years-old. He continues to be an absolute delight...when he's not too busy being an absolute stinker! :) He thrives on routine, but loves new experiences, too.

Little sister KJ

He adores his little sister, KJ (now 21 mos.). They are each other's favorite playmate. Eon will wait for her to wake up in the morning and the minute he hears her call, he bursts in her room with a loud, "Hiiiiiiiii!" Then there is a general love fest that lasts about 5 minutes with lots of hugs and kisses and smiles until one of them tries to shove the other down the stairs. ;)

He attends developmental preschool three afternoons a week and rides the bus, which is new this year. He loves it! From the reaction of the staff, it's easy to see that he's a class favorite. 

First day of school.

Needs a little work on applying the backpack!

Speech continues to be his biggest issue. His receptive language is spot on, but he is hugely delayed in expressive speech. We recently started taking him to a local outpatient clinic for additional speech therapy as we felt the school therapy wasn't nearly enough. (and I felt the therapist did a poor job of communicating with me last year, so I wasn't real optimistic about this year.) I can tell Eon is frustrated with his inability to communicate sometimes. It frustrates me, too, and is my greatest area of concern for him.

He's made some real gains in the last few months. He no longer needs his liquids thickened and can drink from an open cup with rare spillage. We have not actually had a recent swallow study to confirm that he's not aspirating on thin liquids, but he has no signs of aspiration, nor has he had any congestion since we stopped thickening, so I think we're good.

He doesn't bolt from us in public nearly as often, which is HUGE! When I allow him to let go of my hand to run ahead, like at the park, he stops and checks with me several times for reassurance that it's okay, so I think he's starting to understand what's expected. At the state fair this year, he started to run and I caught him. I squatted down and asked him where he was going. He pointed off somewhere and I said, "If you run off, I'm afraid you will get lost and I love you too much to lose you." He threw his arms around me and just leaned in for the longest hug. I think he really understood and stayed with us the rest of the visit.

Eon is about 75% accurate with his colors and is starting to learn shapes. We're also working on recognizing his written name. That reminds me of a story: When he gets in trouble or I really want him to listen to me, I will use his given and middle names, Simeon Israel. Recently, his 5-year-old brother, Zak, asked me, "Why do you always say Eon's real and not me?" "What are you talking about?" I responded.  "You say, 'Simeon IS real,'" he answered. "No, Zak, I'm not saying that he's real. Israel is his middle name! " LOL! Years of therapy avoided with one question. Whew!

Eon loves coffee! Child after my own heart. :) If he gets up before I leave for work, we'll have coffee and breakfast together. (Don't worry...decaf for him.) It's a special time.

He continues to be just one of the boys in our family, and yet, his chromosomal enhancement does set him apart. He's very sensitive and, while he will get physically hurt and barely notice, if there is an emotional component attached, he will be almost inconsolable. He has an empathy for others that is rare for a child his age, too. And kids with low muscle tone give the best hugs. He's a joy and we are so blessed to be his parents!

Boys and dirt...awesome combination!

 

The Adoptive Slacker

I feel like I'm doing this wrong.

Other people move through the adoption process much faster. They are more organized. They are more creative and more persistant in their fundraising. They are focused. They are relentless in the pursuit of their waiting child.

As is typical for me, I am distractible. I can spend my whole day at work obsessively worrying over phone calls I need to make, emails I need to send, or documents I need to copy, only to come home and immediately busy myself with everything that has nothing to do with this adoption. I jump on the trampoline with Eon, or tour the girls' redecorated room, or run errands with Shawn, or, way too often, veg out on facebook.

I'm not doing this right.

Maybe it's because I work full-time or because we have seven kids. We really are busy. There is much to be done simply to maintain our current life.

Or, maybe I'm simply lazy and undisciplined.

I feel behind. I feel guilty. I feel inadequate. Whatever the reason, I am doing this slowly.

But I am doing it...and that's what matters most. At the end of this road, a child will have a family and a future. We will grow in love and numbers. Our community will be richer and our lives will be fuller.

Have you considered adoption, but found the process daunting? Do you feel like you could never pull it off? Does the thought of a home study overwhelm your messy sensibilities?

Follow me. There is hope! You don't have to do it perfectly. Just take the first step.

Instead, God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful. I Corinthians 1:27 NLT

Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

(We still have a lot to raise. If you feel at all led to contribute, just click on the "chip-in" at the top of this blog. Thanks!)