I have not been upset or saddened by Eon's developmental delays. In fact, I've relished the extra time we have to enjoy all his stages and phases. I thought I was enjoying them because he was to be our last, but the knowledge that his baby sister will be joining us in November hasn't changed anything. Unfortunately, he seems to be growing up at an alarming rate.
I find myself in near panic attacks about how fast he's growing. I finally realized that I want to keep him little forever and why I feel that way.
He gets attention where ever we go. It's only positive attention at this stage. People acknowledge his engaging personality and comment on how cute he is. Even when he's being shy and stubborn, people smile at him.
Unfortunately, I know the day is coming when he will continue to attract attention, but it will be because he's different, not because he's cute. My heart breaks to think of that day. The positive attention will invariably turn negative when he loses his childhood charm. We live in an ugly world. I'm certain that he will still receive some smiles from experienced or kind-hearted people, but other people will look away, uncomfortable by his presence. Some will stare and others may say hateful things.
What he will not have the luxury of is anonymity. He will not be unnoticed.
I've experienced that a little in the last few years. We have a large family. If we go somewhere together, people notice. I've learned to plant a smile on my face and let them stare (and count). If everyone looks cute and is well-behaved, I enjoy the extra attention. If we're having a "Beverly Hillbillies" kind of day, not so much.
When I want my anonymity back, I go somewhere alone. If Eon wants his, he'll have no recourse.
And so, I want to snuggle him and hold him close. I want to listen to him giggle as I tickle him and raspberry his fat belly. I want him to stay small and safe, shielded by his cuteness and protected from that day.
I feel it too. And hope it isn't so when eventually we get there. Hugs for you mama :)
ReplyDeleteWow Tara. I have been thinking a lot about these sorts of thigns lately... not sure why. But you just added a whole other thought to it, anonymity... no where my daughter goes will she just blend in. I hope that she learns not to notice or care.
ReplyDeleteThis is my biggest fear. Not the delays, but how she may be treated one day.
ReplyDeleteI think many of us are having those thoughts. I noticed your commented on DS New Mama about being pregnant again. Congratulations, Tara. God bless you. Wow, Tara - you now have me beat by one. You are blessed.
ReplyDeleteHugs your way. I have worried about this too, but I think that the positive experiences our little ones will encounter will far outweigh the negative ones. I fully believe this.
ReplyDeleteI went to the NDSC Convention last weekend and realized that is exactly the place for our kids to go when they need that sort of time. An entire hotel and convention center filled with kids and adults with Ds and their families. It was truly amazing. I hope you'll be able to attend one someday - you'd love it.
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