I Am a Hypocrite

Something has been weighing on me. There are times in my life when my paradigm shifts before my actions can catch up and I am left with fabulous ideals, but very little fruit.

This is one of those times. 

I have come to see the gospel of Christ very differently than I have in the past. My focus has shifted and Scripture has taken on new meaning and come alive to me in a whole new way!

I see love differently. I see ministry differently. I see church differently.

Every time this happens, I feel the need to have others convicted with the insights the Lord has shown me. I want to set them straight. Really, wouldn't that be so much more fun than actually living my new world view? 

I recently bought a t-shirt from Sevenly. I love that ministry and I love the shirt. It says, "Love the Unloved." 

Isn't that awesome?

We should definitely do that. 

When I ordered it, the ministry they were focused on was Reece's Rainbow, which raises money to help orphans with Down syndrome be adopted. It was with those orphans in mind that I pressed "buy now."

I was totally ready to love the unloved. Who wouldn't love those adorable looking kids in all those pictures? 

It's easy to love a picture. 

I wore the shirt this weekend hoping that others would see it and be inspired by the message. I don't know if they were. I only know that I was crazy convicted. 

I have a confession to make:

I'm not ready to love the unloved.

At least not all of them. I want to pick and choose the unloved that I am most comfortable loving. Those that appeal to me or that I deem worthy, I will totally love.

Orphans? Check. After all, I am traveling soon to make one of them my own. I am pretty sure I have the unloved orphan category sewn up.

Except, there is a girl down the street, whose mother left her in the care of grandparents in order to chase her addictions...again. She's just obnoxious. She's all Eddie Haskell with me and then bullies my kids. She's a poor sport, she leaves trash in our yard, and she's manipulative. 

I don't want to love her.

She meets the requirements, though. She was abandoned, repeatedly, by the woman who should love her most in the world. Her behavior stems from that rejection. The grandparents try to make up for her loss by saying "yes" to her every demand, and she demands much, trying so hard to fill the void her mother left behind.

I see all that and my heart softens toward her. 

Then, I hear her throw the r-word around or she makes fun of my kid's lisp and I ban her from my yard.

I am a hypocrite. 

Been there. Bought the t-shirt. But haven't actually done it.

Yet.

"To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices." Mark 12:33