Because this is our first adoption, I could only wonder what to expect. I didn't know how I would feel toward B when I met him. Some have told me that it's just like meeting your baby after childbirth. That was of little comfort to me as I've experienced post partum depression following the birth of two of mine.
With those two, the connection didn't happen right away and, in fact, took a long time to develop. Because of those experiences, I was very prepared to have the feeling that I was caring for someone else's child, for a very long time. I know that love can take time to emerge and that it is just as strong, just as lasting, just as rewarding when it gradually blossoms as when it explodes in a burst of color.
But a burst of color is what I received.
This child is mine. It doesn't matter what his blood says or that his face belies his Slavic heritage. It is of no consequence that the papers are not yet signed, the new birth certificate not issued.
He is mine.
It is not awkward to change his diaper or feed him bites of food. It does not feel strange to hold him close and murmur words of sweetness in his ear. It is not weird to correct his behavior or delight in his adorable smile.
Instead, while I don't yet know him like I should, it feels perfectly natural to mother him. And that lack of strangeness is a gift that I do not take for granted. I know that there are some who have not immediately felt the same about the child to which they are committed and have chosen to parent.
It seems weird that it's not weird.
In discussing our instant attachment to him with the social workers, they pointed out that, while it's a common phenomenom among adoptive parents, they have noticed it among the children, too. Children respond differently to the parents when they meet them, than they do to other adults. It certainly was the case with B. He warmed right up to us and was sitting in my lap within thirty minutes of our initial encounter.
We are blessed, and we revel in that blessing. We can't wait to get home and let his siblings bond with him, as well. Skype is no substitute for a face-to-face encounter.
With those two, the connection didn't happen right away and, in fact, took a long time to develop. Because of those experiences, I was very prepared to have the feeling that I was caring for someone else's child, for a very long time. I know that love can take time to emerge and that it is just as strong, just as lasting, just as rewarding when it gradually blossoms as when it explodes in a burst of color.
But a burst of color is what I received.
This child is mine. It doesn't matter what his blood says or that his face belies his Slavic heritage. It is of no consequence that the papers are not yet signed, the new birth certificate not issued.
He is mine.
It is not awkward to change his diaper or feed him bites of food. It does not feel strange to hold him close and murmur words of sweetness in his ear. It is not weird to correct his behavior or delight in his adorable smile.
Instead, while I don't yet know him like I should, it feels perfectly natural to mother him. And that lack of strangeness is a gift that I do not take for granted. I know that there are some who have not immediately felt the same about the child to which they are committed and have chosen to parent.
It seems weird that it's not weird.
In discussing our instant attachment to him with the social workers, they pointed out that, while it's a common phenomenom among adoptive parents, they have noticed it among the children, too. Children respond differently to the parents when they meet them, than they do to other adults. It certainly was the case with B. He warmed right up to us and was sitting in my lap within thirty minutes of our initial encounter.
We are blessed, and we revel in that blessing. We can't wait to get home and let his siblings bond with him, as well. Skype is no substitute for a face-to-face encounter.
Happy happy tears here!!!!! Praise GOD!!!!
ReplyDeleteLOVE!
ReplyDeleteThat's just how it should be! :o)
ReplyDeleteYAY!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful!
ReplyDeleteWe are so excited for you!!!
ReplyDeleteI've loved reading about your adoption. We're home 2 weeks with our little 3yo from Bulgaria. This is our 1st adoption too, but we have a large family and like you wrote, have adjusted to many new people over the years. It's so neat to relate to much of what you've written. I pray the rest of your trip goes smoothly and you'll be home soon!
ReplyDeleteLOVE!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so happy for you that the mothering part is coming naturally... It did take me a while with Masha... I felt like the babysitter for a couple months. It wasn't that she and I didn't share a great deal of affection, and she bonded to me almost immediately... it was more because I did not know her likes, dislikes, or how to get her to do things or not. I am sure the language barrier had a lot to do with it. So, yeah, you are truly blessed!
ReplyDeleteThis is so fabulous - so much of what I read involves RAD, etc., it's comforting to know sometimes it just works.
ReplyDelete