Siblings and Down syndrome

Tali, 7, spent the evening playing with Eon until he had to go to bed. Then she picked up her baby sister and said, "You don't have Down syndrome, but that's okay. You're still cute!"...as if she was consoling her. She also informed me that I should have another baby because she needs a sister with Down syndrome, too. :-)

These moments bless me. I love it when my kids seek out Eon to play with or just be with. They truly love him, which I knew they would, but they also like him. He is enriching their lives. He is very much included in this family. 

The bigger boys (6 & 4) have yet to really see him as different. They ask me occasionally why he can't talk, yet, and know that he has Down syndrome and gets therapy, but it doesn't change how they interact with him. He is always in on the action whether they are building tracks in their room or sliding down the stairs in totes.

Tali obviously knows he has Down syndrome. She finds it delightful! She loves to mother him and teach him new signs. He's her favorite hide and seek partner, too. If it were up to her, we'd have a dozen kids with Ds.

Ellie, 11, has a better understanding of it. She adores Eon and is very protective of him. She gets excited when he masters a skill he's been working on and gets frustrated for him when he struggles. She has developed a love for all people with Down syndrome and is very comfortable around people with any disability. She asks the most questions and is, therefore, the most knowledgeable about it. She stands by her statement made when he was weeks old that she will take care of him when we're gone. 

Mick is 14 and at the age where different is not a good thing. Yet, she is very practical and has a strong personality. At a time in her life where she could be ashamed of her brother and want to hide him, I watch her reach down to pick him up while talking with her friends. At the grocery store, when he loudly vocalizes, I see her shush him and then tickle his belly just to hear him laugh. When he kicks up a fuss at nap time, she often asks, "Can he please just stay up? He can watch tv with me." And then I watch as she settles him on her lap and turns on his favorite show.

Keturah, almost 9 mos, will never know a life without Down syndrome as part of it. She just knows Eon as the big brother who used to steal and throw her pacifier, but now just kisses her and brings her toys. 

My children amaze me. They have taken the changes to our life in stride. They accept Eon for Eon, mildly curious about the things that make him different, but fully embracing the ways he is the same. 

We are blessed.

In Defense of Homeschooling

Because of my last post, I feel the need to spend a few minutes defending homeschooling...only because I won't actually say any of this to the naysayers in real life.

Here are some of my answers to the questions that we get: "Aren't you worried about socialization?" The definition of socialization is: a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position. Hmmm. I don't know about you, but I think I'd rather my 6yo learn norms, values, and behavior from me, instead of a roomful of other 6yos.

I think what they mean to say is "What about socializing?" The definition of socialize is: to associate or mingle sociably with others. I remember from my school days getting reprimanded for this very thing, but maybe school is different now and your supposed to talk in class? Anyway, my kids get plenty of opportunities for social interaction, and they are very good at it.

This actually brings up one of my favorite benefits of homeschooling. Kids are not relegated to interacting with same-age peers all day. They excel at relating to individuals of all ages and enjoy the company of adults, as well as children. My kids and their friends are not hung up on ages and grade levels of their friends. The older girls have a group of friends that range in age from 10-14 years. They are close with one another and the 10yo (my Ellie) and the 14yo are just as close as any other members of the group.

Speaking of Ellie, she tests at or just below grade level. Someone outside looking in might decide that she is the poster child for anti-homeschooling. However, we are, in fact, very proud of her success. Ellie has ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, and probably a few learning issues that haven't been diagnosed. Because we homeschool, we have been able to teach her in an individualized way that capitalizes on her strengths while working to overcome her weaknesses. I am convinced that she would be much farther behind in a traditional school setting, and would most likely have very little self esteem. Instead, she is a very confident girl who loves to learn. It has been a struggle to get here, especially on the heels of her gifted older sister, but we've worked at finding just what works with her and are proud of her success.

A huge benefit to homeschooling is flexibility. We can schedule school around any event, even as simple as a sunny, 50-degree day (after months of teens and twenties) that just begged for us to venture out for a walk to the park today. Because we don't have crowd control issues and I only have a few students, we are able to accomplish the bulk of schooling in about 3-4 hours. That leaves a good deal of the day for chores and play. Last year at this time, Michaela was able to fly to the Everglades and spend three weeks with her grandparents learning about the ecosystem. Her grandfather, my dad, was a park ranger there. It was a wonderful adventure for her as she loves nature above just about everything.

Another pro is that I get to be with my kids all the time. That's also a con, too, depending on the day. :)

I'm often asked if I intend to homeschool Eon. I don't have an answer for that. It's so hard to imagine my baby as school age and, frankly, I'm just enjoying my time with him. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, but my inclination is to say probably not...at least not initially.

We take it year by year, but I do intend to continue homeschooling through high school. We live in an area with a huge homeschooling population with tons of alternatives, sports, band, art classes, choir, etc. I'm intrigued by our university's online high school courses for college credit option, too.

We took this year off from our homeschool support group because of therapy conflicts. We are so excited about going back next year. I feel like we "went to ground" getting our bearings after Eon was born. It's nice to feel like we can begin to add in all the extras that help round our childrens' educational experience.

Happy Birthday, to me!

So, today I turn forty. Eon gave me a precious gift this morning. We bring him into bed with us every morning around six and he sleeps for another hour. Ben (4) and Zak (2) joined us around seven. I turned on PBS for them and rolled over. When I finally sat up, Eon was sitting up with his arm around Zak and was lightly patting him. After a minute or so, he leaned around him to see Zak's face and they shared the biggest grin! :)

It made my day!

We've had no apnea alarms since my last post! Yay! I did call the cardiologist's office and reported the bradycardia (low heart rate) to the nurse who didn't seem to care. Which is fine. If she's not concerned, niether am I.

Four of Eon's siblings spent the last week with their cousins at my sister, Tonya's house. According to her, they were amazingly obedient and wonderful (until the last day). Once they arrived home, all sense of obedience seemed to fly out the window. Why is that? It's like they had to work so hard at being good, they let it all hang out when they come home. We call it "re-entry" and it has been difficult at best.

Eon, however, seems energized at having them home. He is eager to show off his new skills for them, like batting at the hanging kitty on his swing or waving his "hallelujah hand" while sitting in his bouncy seat. Mostly, he just seems more awake and interactive. Apparently, we were boring him. I was actually concerned that he was sleeping so much, but I think he was just taking advantage of the quiet. I wish I would've joined him!

Surgery is Friday and I am starting to let worry creep in. I wish I had a better idea of what it entails and what I can expect for recovery. I guess I have to wait until pre-op on Thursday to get the details.

Siblings

A friend of ours has a brother with Ds. He has been such a blessing to us since Eon's birth. Today, he said, "Your children will never lack for love with Eon around." I just thought that was so encouraging! He has only postitive things to say about growing up with his special needs brother.

Last week, I was explaining to Ellie (9yo) some of the challenges Eon will likely face. I mentioned that, while we hope he will become independant as an adult, he may need to live with one of us. To which she instantly replied, "I want him!" I told her we didn't have to decide today. LOL!